The bible says it plain as snow that we are all broken and need his love. We live in a society that struggles that with the concept of love. If something is broken we throw it away. If something breaks in a relationship it gets thrown away and disregarded, leaving a broken heart, broken even further.
Recently I've been feeling broken, I'm struggling to trust God's love and security and I feel hopelessly un-confident about who God made me to be. My confidence issues are now failing, particularity in style and what I wear. Until I got back to college I had been feeling so confident and assured in what my style is.
Now I'm at college I feel judged about my style everyday and it is really beginning to bring me down. I'm not a showy person, who demands attention. In all honesty I'm an outcast who has barely any friends at all. I didn't care what other thought and I could wear what I like without everyone judging eyes.
But now I'm feeling insecure, I can step back and see how broken I really am. When I don't trust in God's promises, life becomes messy, lots of ifs and buts and wells. But when I am in Christ it becomes simple again and I love that simplicity that God brings because it is the purest. Proverbs 13:7 says "A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life." And this is true. When I am focusing on what others think of me I am living for them , I'm living a showy life and I become just like the rest of them. When I am living simply and focusing on the important things like becoming more Godly and my relationship with my boyfriend, my life is so much more full. I am filled with God's spirit and love and I can focus on the things I need to - this is when I have confidence in who I am, because I have confidence in God.
That's my life when I let the devil in and he brings me down and complicates things, where I want to go home every night and cry because I feel so broken with no confidence and so in need of God's amazing grace. Psalm 34:17-20 says "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken." I know I need that grace, and I know that when I cry for God he will come, but others don't. Their lives are so complicated and they are so in need of God's love to lean and trust on. Just listening to the conversation on buses and how complicated their lives are, how they used to be friends with that person and they are going to that party but they don't want them to, so they might not go to that party even though they want to. It was too much to understand. They need God but they don't know it. We are called to be the salt and light in this world. We have to help others find this grace they so desperately need. For“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." says 2 Corinthians 12:9.
For now in my brokenness and pit of despair I am able to worship God because I know that he will always be there. I am a sinner and I am unclean and I cannot believe his love for me, but I know he is always the same and I can always trust and boast in him. Through him I will be able to conquer all my doubts and insecurities and be may clean and live my simple life to the fullest.
Again I apologize for me messy and uncoherant structure and thoughts but its my thought for the week and just something I needed to right about. Let me know below what you think!