Tuesday, 24 September 2013

pre warning: love.

This is one of those funny and strange and thoughtful posts. But every so often, I just start thinking and it spirals out of control and becomes so beautiful and magical I have to share it.

This is exactly what love is like for me. Yes, love. That super cheesy thing which some people cringe at, others think doesn't exist, others say it is just a chemical imbalance, theres the 'I love that song' or 'I love my mum' or 'I love food' and there's people like me, who are romantics who just love, love.
Don't ask me why. Every since I was a very small, I fantasized over my perfect wedding; the dress, the bridesmaids, the venue and the reception. Every small detail was perfectly thought about. But the one aspect that never even occurred to me was the guy I would marry. I didn't even know what I wanted from a guy, I just wanted him to love me, so I can love him in return. While my sister dreamed of travelling the world, I dreamed of getting married at 18 or 19 and being so perfectly in love.
Then I found love, and I still love it. Its so easy, but so hard too. It comes so naturally but it is impossible to explain. Its butterflies at the sound of their voice and its every second you think of them is a second you love, being with them is like being home, you are so perfectly happy and content and you don't want to change anything, because it is like a fairy tale. Or at least that's what it is like for me.
Having said love is like a fairy tale, it isn't always and it can be beyond impossible sometimes, but it is all worth it for the one you love. When they are happy, you are too. Their problems are yours and you will do anything to see them smile again. Relationship love and friendship love are so important and they are both very similar too.

..........I'm going to be skipping from 3 very important topics, all under the main topic of love but I feel some of these things need to be said and I don't know how else to say them, I apologize, but bear with me too.........

1. Love yourself and love will come in its own time. As some of you know, I have found it very hard to love myself in the past because of a few things that have happened to me. I always wanted love, but I failed to love myself and because I couldn't accept those things, I saw myself as things I'm not, and therefore I made myself unlovable in the way I wanted to be loved. As things went on, I slowly found myself loving myself more (in a totally non-vain way) and I found my dreams and goals and became more independent. I stopped looking for love and just focused on finding me. The second I accepted who I was and stopped looking, I found love. I think I found love when I was ready for it too.
I think back to the year of 2011. I had just become best friends with my current boyfriend. Because apparently everyone knew that I did, I admit, I fancied him - a lot. But I just wasn't ready for that kind of love, I was 14 and still very young. The following year, I was still very young, but I was a lot more mentally ready and prepared. Love comes when it wants too, not when its planned.

2. Is he your bestfriend? I once heard some wise words from an overheard conversation. The daughter was complaining to her mother about her boyfriend and how he went out with some friends the other night. One of his friends invited his girlfriend along, but she wasn't. Her mother simply replied with "that's because he's not your friend." I thought about this for a while and then thought about it some more. It still doesn't make clear sense to me, but it does at the same time. It was almost like there is a divide between girlfriends and friends. Almost like you need that separation. Don't get me wrong, being away from each other for a while, can be good, but when your best friend is your boyfriend or girlfriend there is not much of a divide.
I meet my boyfriend at my church. We meet when I was 13 and we became best friends straight away, but we didn't start going out till I was 15. He was my best friend and still is. I can talk to him about everything and I know he will give me advice on situations in the way any other friend would, the only difference being I tell him everything and he is my boyfriend too.

3. Fix it.  Another thing (and possibly the final thing) I feel I need to say is, if its broken, fix it. We live a throw away society were if its broken, we chuck it. We are setting ourselves up for disaster if we do that in a relationship. Love is never going to be perfect. It may feel perfect sometimes, but there are going to be times when we fight and argue but its not a chance to throw the relationship away. We need to learn to fix it, because if we do that in every relationship we ever have, we will end up hurting ourselves a lot more in the long run than the guys we ditch. Also, if you don't like something tell your partner that you aren't happy with the way things are going. You can only gain from it, either in a better relationship or breaking up because he doesn't respect your views.

Love has no guarantees which means we need to make the most of it because it is so beautiful when it find us.

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