pressure

I'm buckling. Under the pressure and the strain that college and life is putting on me. In todays society it is the norm for women to have a big independent job. Its no longer the norm for them to be cooking//cleaning//dancing//singing mothers and housewifes. And unfortunately the world knows this and so we have to comply to them and get a big job and know exactly who we are and what we want to do. Unfortunately thats not me. College is putting so much pressure on us all because within the next few months we have to be filling out personal statements and UCAS forms for University - and note the have to part. Because yes, you guessed it, there is no longer room for those of us who don't want to go to university. Its no longer a matter of whether we want to or can afford it or if our dream job requires it - we have to. Because as far as college is concerned everyones dream jobs needs a degree to go along side it.
When I told one of my friends I was considering dropping a second A Level and picking up another one her response was simply "Do you want to go to University?" I said no and she said "I'm not surprised with that attitude." SCREW MY ATTITUDE - Have personal dreams got nothing to do with it?!?! I'm sorry I'm not ambitious like the rest of you, I'm sorry I don't have my life sorted and I will be full time trying to figure out what I want to do full time. I'm sorry I would rather let my heart and soul be content and happy rather than permanently stressed out with a job I hate. I'm sorry I have no life plan. Maybe it doesnt even matter. You know, I dont even care if I'm just a shop assistant working in a shop I love like Asos or Free People or Fat Face for the rest of my life. I really don't because at least I will have time for the things that really matter like my husband and my family and my art and my church. And my heart will content because I am doing the things I really love - not the things I have to.
And if I was single with no plans with my boyfriend I would still be saying something similar - but maybe with a big life move to New York or California instead.

And now this post has made me feel like a failure because I have no plans for my life. . #HIPPYLIFERULES

christmas

With the Christmas season drawing to a close, I love to spend a little time out with the people I love and nothing beats mine and Sam's annual boxing day walk up Butser Hill, followed by a pot of lunch and a chilled evening.

 Boxing Day lunch in Costa with Sam

A pretty chilly walk to the top

New socks and warm feet by the fire.

birthday

Christmas eve, eve isn't just a special day because its nearly Christmas - the 23rd of December is my birthday! This year I turned 17 and had a lovely day with my boyfriend in Winchester but I thought I would share with you just a few photos from this special day.

I was pretty pleased with my eye liner that day too.

It also happened to be a wet and windy day and we were going to go ice skating but it was cancelled - i wonder why.

Thank you for all the birthday whishes, I had a lovely day!

twinkle

As the Christmas season approaches, its a time I like to spend going back to myself and chilling (a little) but mostly being a nearly 17-year-old who simply cant wait for it to be christmas again - YAY! While the last year seems to have gone incredibly quickly it feels like ages since the last Christmas, and I had even forgotten what our christmas tree looks like. But now its up and the house is feeling a little more cosy, I feel very happy! 

Its just the house that is feeling a little more festive, its me too, and I like to show this through little things, like my christmas socks, or my festive nail polish. So it's time I shared with you one that will definitely be on my favourites list this month.

I am loving the Maybelline Super Stay 7 Days nail polish. I picked it up from Boots for about £4.99 which I thought was really cheap, in the shade 820 - Winner takes it all. Its a really lovely gold colour and it is so easy to apply, in one simple stoke, with only 2 layers too. It gives a really nice smooth finish and it is so effortless, and drys really quickly too. The gold colour is obviously a more Christmas colour but it such a lovely shade, and it will look great on fingers or toes! 

gift guide for him

Its a well know fact that men are the hardest people to shop for. Ever. Every Birthday and Christmas I spend months before thinking and deciding and questioning 'what do I get him this year?' This being said, I have complied a little Gift Guide on what to get him, no matter what his interests! 

1. Cashmere Hat by Cos

 http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Shop/Gifts/Women/Cashmere_hat/16634360-14911080.1#1419536

With The winter days drawing in, nothing keeps their heads warm quite like a cashmere hat. They are so soft and warm, and a pressie they are bound to love.

2. Shoelaces by Hickies 

http://www.hickies.com/

I think this a great idea, and I know my boyfriend does this with all his shoelaces, he cuts them of they are a simple slip on. They look really cool on every type of trainer and are a bit more stretchy than shoe laces and they look really cool too.

3. John Varvatos Gift Set http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_117685990599?CMP=SSH&tmcampid=28&tmad=c&sku=7490525&gclid=CKq39-eJ-7oCFQjKtAod-WQAfg

Every year, me and my mum get my dad a new scent and there are so many to chose from and he always smells so afterwards. 

4. Bose Sport Headphones 

http://www.bose.co.uk/GB/en/home-and-personal-audio/headphones-and-headsets/sport-headphones/bose-sie2-sport-headphones/

For the music loving men, why don't you get him some headphones so he can listen to his music nice and loud without the quality going. Although these one are very expensive, I have been assure that these are amazing, although I am sure cheaper ones will be available else where.

5. Concert Tickets 

Another gift you music loving guy friend - concert tickets to his favourite band. Prices vary so much depending on the band, but it not only shows how well you know his music taste, but it will also be a great night together creating memories. 

6. Marvel Avengers Set

 http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/330804766034?lpid=83&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=83

If your guy loves the Avengers movies as much as mine (and me) he will love this complete set, so he can watch them when he likes or with you for a cosy night in. 

7. Timex for J.Crew Platoon Watch 

http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/JCrewingoodcompany/Timex/PRDOVR~06017/06017.jsp

It's a well known fact you can't go wrong with a watch. This watch is a really nice one as it is really casual and the colours are really manly. And will go with pretty much any outfit he chooses. 

8. Halfords Gift Card

Guys love their cars and they are always splashing out on it. If they ask for something for their car, it can be hard to know what they specifically mean and what they need, so make it easy and get them a Halford's token, so they can pick it out theirselves without getting it wrong!

9. Nerf Gun 

http://www.hasbro.com/nerf/en_US/shop/details.cfm?R=4CE586D7-5056-900B-1073-BF58840EACD3:en_US 

I saw this in a YouTube vlog and I thought it was the coolest thing ever as it's just like Christmas when we are young. Its a super fun present and its bound to give laughs and excitiment (and maybe a little annoyance for those being shot!) 

10. Topman Shirt

 http://www.topman.com/en/tmuk/product/clothing-140502/mens-shirts-140515/navy-herringbone-tartan-long-sleeve-shirt-2395029?bi=1&ps=20

Depending on whether your man likes to be dressed by his girlfriend or not, a checked shirt is generally a very good idea and everytime they wear it, they will think of their amazing friend who gave it to them.

11. Magners Orginal Cider

Last but not least, you literally cannot go wrong with some good old cider or beer (unless they are underaged...)

day off

Since starting College in September, it has been a pretty busy couple of few months for me. Firstly the extra work load, then my Nanny became very ill and sadly passed away a few weeks ago. My older sister and her boyfriend, then dropped their travelling, and flew home from Australia. There were then living with us for 2 weeks, which, if you know my sister, was guaranteed to be loud and busy; it was. On top of all that, I was also balancing two jobs and looking for a permanent job. So it has been busy to say the least. Which is why, I am so relieved it is now half term and I can enjoy a day all to myself with no plans and no intentions of putting make-up or clothes on. Bliss.
In order to make the most of my day however, I still like to do a few things so it doesn't feel a total waste of a 24 hours.

Chilling in my leggings, tie-dye tee and woolly cardi.

1. Comfort. How are you supposed to have a relaxed and chilled day if you are still in your super tight jeans and fancy top? Slap on your leggings or running bottoms, oversized tee and a comfy cardigan or hoodie. 
2. Hair Wash. Basically, I don't do it. I just leave my hair alone, no chemicals or dry shampoo, just a brush and a plait. People have conflicting views on whether this is good or bad. I come from the view that less is more and that your hair really needs a day off where you don't wash it, or touch it.
3. No Make-up. My excuse for this one is that my skin needs to breathe. This one is true and non-debatable. If we clog our pours up with make-up everyday, it can't breath and this means it can't circulate air into the pours which would other wise help clear our skin of things like spots and blackheads. 
4. Health Foods. It is shown the foods we eat actually do have an impact on our health. So on my lazy days, I like to eat foods full of fibre and vitamins. Breakfasts like Wetabix and All Bran with strawberries are the best for fibre. Green Tea, Cranberry Juice, and Fresh Lemon Water ( heres how to make it - http://thisislobarker.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/lemon-water.html) are all in big supplies, as they are great foods and drinks for helping retox and refresh your body. Having said this, I love unhealthy foods too like pizza and nuggets, so I like to follow the 80/20 ruler. 80% Healthy : 20% Indulgence
5. Chill. Do things you love doing. Its important that you don't forget who you are and what you love. Whether it be blogging, watching movies or (for the OCD's) cleaning, do it. These days are all about you, and being selfish. 

I love having these days because they feel like a rewarding detox after so much. They also need to be used in moderation. Once a month or so, it the best way to make the most of these days, without over-doing it.

pre warning: love.

This is one of those funny and strange and thoughtful posts. But every so often, I just start thinking and it spirals out of control and becomes so beautiful and magical I have to share it.

This is exactly what love is like for me. Yes, love. That super cheesy thing which some people cringe at, others think doesn't exist, others say it is just a chemical imbalance, theres the 'I love that song' or 'I love my mum' or 'I love food' and there's people like me, who are romantics who just love, love.
Don't ask me why. Every since I was a very small, I fantasized over my perfect wedding; the dress, the bridesmaids, the venue and the reception. Every small detail was perfectly thought about. But the one aspect that never even occurred to me was the guy I would marry. I didn't even know what I wanted from a guy, I just wanted him to love me, so I can love him in return. While my sister dreamed of travelling the world, I dreamed of getting married at 18 or 19 and being so perfectly in love.
Then I found love, and I still love it. Its so easy, but so hard too. It comes so naturally but it is impossible to explain. Its butterflies at the sound of their voice and its every second you think of them is a second you love, being with them is like being home, you are so perfectly happy and content and you don't want to change anything, because it is like a fairy tale. Or at least that's what it is like for me.
Having said love is like a fairy tale, it isn't always and it can be beyond impossible sometimes, but it is all worth it for the one you love. When they are happy, you are too. Their problems are yours and you will do anything to see them smile again. Relationship love and friendship love are so important and they are both very similar too.

..........I'm going to be skipping from 3 very important topics, all under the main topic of love but I feel some of these things need to be said and I don't know how else to say them, I apologize, but bear with me too.........

1. Love yourself and love will come in its own time. As some of you know, I have found it very hard to love myself in the past because of a few things that have happened to me. I always wanted love, but I failed to love myself and because I couldn't accept those things, I saw myself as things I'm not, and therefore I made myself unlovable in the way I wanted to be loved. As things went on, I slowly found myself loving myself more (in a totally non-vain way) and I found my dreams and goals and became more independent. I stopped looking for love and just focused on finding me. The second I accepted who I was and stopped looking, I found love. I think I found love when I was ready for it too.
I think back to the year of 2011. I had just become best friends with my current boyfriend. Because apparently everyone knew that I did, I admit, I fancied him - a lot. But I just wasn't ready for that kind of love, I was 14 and still very young. The following year, I was still very young, but I was a lot more mentally ready and prepared. Love comes when it wants too, not when its planned.

2. Is he your bestfriend? I once heard some wise words from an overheard conversation. The daughter was complaining to her mother about her boyfriend and how he went out with some friends the other night. One of his friends invited his girlfriend along, but she wasn't. Her mother simply replied with "that's because he's not your friend." I thought about this for a while and then thought about it some more. It still doesn't make clear sense to me, but it does at the same time. It was almost like there is a divide between girlfriends and friends. Almost like you need that separation. Don't get me wrong, being away from each other for a while, can be good, but when your best friend is your boyfriend or girlfriend there is not much of a divide.
I meet my boyfriend at my church. We meet when I was 13 and we became best friends straight away, but we didn't start going out till I was 15. He was my best friend and still is. I can talk to him about everything and I know he will give me advice on situations in the way any other friend would, the only difference being I tell him everything and he is my boyfriend too.

3. Fix it.  Another thing (and possibly the final thing) I feel I need to say is, if its broken, fix it. We live a throw away society were if its broken, we chuck it. We are setting ourselves up for disaster if we do that in a relationship. Love is never going to be perfect. It may feel perfect sometimes, but there are going to be times when we fight and argue but its not a chance to throw the relationship away. We need to learn to fix it, because if we do that in every relationship we ever have, we will end up hurting ourselves a lot more in the long run than the guys we ditch. Also, if you don't like something tell your partner that you aren't happy with the way things are going. You can only gain from it, either in a better relationship or breaking up because he doesn't respect your views.

Love has no guarantees which means we need to make the most of it because it is so beautiful when it find us.

college

I have just finished my second day at a new college and I enjoyed myself. I think the freedom in the subjects I chose has helped me enjoy it more, because I am no longer doing subjects because I have to, but instead because I want to.
I think being back in new learning environment has helped me to rediscover my passions and my goals and what I want to do with my life.
Before I started college in the summer, I was very confused about what I want to do with my life considering every subject from beauty to film to biology. I could do almost anything I wanted and be happy with it. Every option was open and valid. I was happy and content but terribly confused.
Eventually I decided it didn't matter what subjects I took, so stuck with the options I first picked out the October before - English Language, Textiles, History and Media. Obviously after the first lesson I am making judgements about what subjects I prefer and which ones I want to continue, but I think at this stage the most important thing for me now, is that I have decided that want to continue with my goal of journalism.
I have wanted to be a journalist for as long as I can remember. I can't remember why, it just seemed so glamourous and looked like the type of life I wanted to live.
I wanted to live in New York and work for Vogue. I now realize, however, as much I would love to do all that, I only wanted to do that then, because I was running and hiding from something I felt was right but appeared to be wrong. A while ago, I realized I was right and faced it head on. Currently that is the path which I am most certain about and I have the most faith in. Whatever happens that is the course I am following. I still wish to work in journalism, but maybe one that isn't so demanding and distracting.
The path for that is still unclear, maybe University or Internships, or maybe God has another path for me I am unaware off. Until then I feel this is the road I am on and feel I need to be following. It has taken me a while, but sometimes just because we are wandering it doesn't mean we are lost...

A Guide To: Travelling

In a previous post I wrote, I showed you how to pack for your Summer adventures. This post, I am sharing with you a few tips which are essential when travelling either by flight, sea or land. 

Firstly make sure you are dressed comfortable. You don't want to be stuck for hours in super tight jeans which are digging in a top you cant breath in. I like to go for something light and easy like leggings, a bright vest top or t-shirt with a scarf. 

The scarf is a great item to have when travelling because it can also double over a blanket. 

Shoe wise, depending on the time of year, I alternate between pumps and trainers - easy to slip on and off and look good too. I also like to think about where I am going to be arriving, if its a muddy festival in the summer, rubber flip flops which are washable will do. But if it is a cold place in the winter, then boots or good trainers will do. 

I like to have a little handbag with me when I am travelling. I can use it at the other end for a day bag too which is handy. Make sure you are well hydrated and always have a big bottle of water with you. Snack are also an essential for travelling as food on the road can be a bit suspect and expensive. 

Always keep your purse, credit cards, ID, passport and booking information with you. You need this handy anyway, and if you lost it, that would be a disaster. Another things is something which I only carry with me because I lose it right till I leave the house and also because if I lost this, it too would be a disaster - phone chargers, iPod chargers, and Laptop chargers. 

Finally, you need something to keep you busy while you are travelling. Whether it is a good book, a game, your iPod or you laptop, keep that with you. Nothing beats being bored for hours!

Now where ever you go this summer you are prepared to have a great time all the way. Unless you forget something like I will......

A Guide to: Packing

Its that time of the year again - holidays! And just like everyone else I have my holidays too, but mine is to a Christian Festival for 2 weeks in England. None the less, I am super excited for my holiday even if it is in England still. But packing is still an essential and it is still a let down for me nearly every year. 

Until now when I came up with a little guide for packing a suitcase for your 2 weeks wherever you are going. 

         CLOTHES

• Black and White vest tops 
• Pretty floral tops 
• T-shirts
• A Skirt
• A Dress 
• A shirt or Cardigan (wear as a pull over)
• Pairs of Jeans (wear them again and again)
• Leggings 
• Tights 
• Tracksuit bottoms (Stay Fit)
• pair of Pyjamas
• Hoodies or Jumpers (even if you are going somewhere hot you might still need them)
• Waterproof Coat (Again, you might need it where ever you are going)
•  Bathing Suits (or one if you are going somewhere cooler)

          SHOES

• Flip Flops (Rubber and Washable)
• Sandals
• Flats
• Wellies (festivals and wet places only)
• Trainers (Running and everyday) 

          TOILETRIES 

• Shampoo and Conditioner (or my No Poo substitutes) 
• Shower Gel
• Tooth paste and Tooth Brush
• Deodorant
• Everyday Perfume 
• Shaver and Shaving foam (2 weeks is a long time)
• Vaseline
• Make-Up 
• Sun Cream (SPF 15+)
• A Face Cream
• Body Moisturizer 
• Towel 
• Flanel 
• Face Wash

         OTHER 

• A Belt 
• Sunglasses 
• scarf 
• Great pairs of earrings 
• Blanket 
• Notebook and Pen

         CAMPING ESSENTIALS 

• Sleeping Bag
• Pillow
• Blow Up Mattress

      THINGS I FORGET AND REALLY SHOULDN'T

• UNDERWEAR
• SOCKS 
• TOOTH BRUSH

Once you have everything you will need the tricky bit of cramming it into your suit case will commence if it hasn't already. 

I always put my toiletires into a little bag and put them in first as they are quite often the heaviest. 

I start out with the bigger stuff like coats, hoodies, shoes and jeans. I roll them up as small as I can. And really tightly push them into corners. Shoes I put into a plastic bag and try to put into the top lid part of my suit case. 

Then I do the same with my tops and t-shirts. Roll them up and fit them into the other gaps. 

The last few things I put in is the underwear as it is the smallest and can fit into the smallest gaps.

 Then I go for the others, the essentials but not necessitates like the belts and earrings. 

If you are taking any jewelry, flatten them out onto a scarf and roll up. This will keep them from getting tangled up and knotty while you are traveling. 

Next Step: Travelling.

Moving Rooms

Aloha!
WARNING: The only useful stuff is in italic, the rest is just context to why I am doing this post.
I got a bee in my bonnet this afternoon at work.....With much objection to my parents, I am hopefully moving out of my room and into my spare room, on the grounds of my physical, mental and emotional health at risk (I'm a fineeee blackmailer). The spare room is also a square which I find makes it a bit easier to decorate and so has a nicer more symmetrical feeling and feels more homely. So I have come up with many plans on how to decorate my room.
Planning before moving in is a very important skill, and is essential before moving in to any space. You need to have many options as well to see where you want the furniture to go so you get the right feeling in the room that you are after. 
So I have spent my evening getting measurements of my rooms and furniture and creating lots of diagrams and options. Make sure your measurements are accurate, as otherwise your plans will not fit. Your diagrams don't have to be as accurate, just as long as you get the just of things. Block out areas where things like doors, heaters and windows go so that you don't fill space you don't have, and always make sure it fits in the room.
As I am swapping rooms rather than getting a blank canvas, I not only need to plan the spare room and where the furniture will go in there, but I also need to plan my current room, and where all the spare, junk and storage furniture will go. As this operation is also to my parents objection, I have been doing all the work for the, by creating plans for them for the old furniture to goo, this also includes us selling my piano and keeping the laptop in the spare room, where it has internet. So basically moving rooms is a win-win for me, and a draw to my parents. Boyyah!

Missing School

I am 16 which means I have just left school. I left about 2 weeks ago and usually I love the freedom and everyday feels like a Saturday which great, but I do find myself missing school? I actually miss wearing a school uniform, and feeling like I was at home, and I think I am only realizing this now I have left, which is weird. I hated school from Year R to Year 11, school was my worst enemy, which is why I can't believe that I actually miss it a bit. To be quite honest, it was impossible with me to like school. I went there I did the work, I got the grades (I hope and think), but I still hated, and enjoyed very few subjects and even fewer teachers. Yet watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (which is one of the oddest films to make me think like this) is making me miss school - something I thought I would never miss. And the things I thought I would miss - like my older sister when she moved to Australia - I actually don't miss all that much. Is that so terrible of me? I think when you prepare yourself to miss something it becomes easier, and so you are more aware of that pain when it comes.
I am realizing that the things I used to dislike doing, I now love doing, and I wished I had embraced those things when I could because now it is too late. It feels like just last week I was 5 years old and playing with my toys and in no time at all, it has all changed completely. Day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different. Suddenly I need to get a job and grow up and realize I need to decide what I want to do with my life, and it has come when I'm just not ready too, because I think I am just too young to do all that. I worry about what I am going to with my life, whether I will be a journalist, or a designer or a marine biologist, and everyone is like 'you don't need to have all that sorted, you are still so young' and in the long run, we are, but really we do need to have all that sorted now, and these are the struggles we face, because no one tells you how quickly it all goes, and how one day you are just simply too old. 
I used to love writing stories and just writing in general, like this, and I did it all the time, and when I found myself stopping, I realized I had more to write down. I used to keep a diary and I until I wrote my final entry in it because every week I scribbled the same things. However now I wished I kept it just so I had somewhere to write this down.

10 Months

So, I felt as I am reminiscing the old day, lets go on my old blog.

And boy has a lot changed.

June
 In my last post, I shared some photos of my and a 'friend' Joe. He was 20 at the time and I was 15, and things speed out of control, and on Saturday, he promised he would wait for me, and when I was 16 we would become official. And then as if his words were dust the next day he had met someone else, older and prettier, and they were going out within 10 hours of meeting each other. I couldn't believe and it took me a lot to get over the shock, but with help from my amazing best friend Sam, I got over it, but my troubles hadn't stopped there.
I fell back down a black hole I first fell in aged 12 - lonely, afraid, confused, lost and desperate, and began my way of taking it out. With help from my best friend Sam, I managed to overcome it again, and I owe so much to Sam for it, as he had helped me through so much that month.

July
After my crappy June, July was the best improvement ever.
So for those of you who know me, you will know I have had...how can I put this.....a thing for Sam, my best friend since pretty much the moment I met him. And despite the fact I had gone out others guys and he has had a girlfriend, those feelings have always remained. July 13th came around and it was my very last day of Year 10. Sam picked me up from school as we had some work we needed to do for a youth group we both help out at. However when that failed, we were stood in his kitchen, talking and I will always wondered how it went from a hug to kiss. And boy did that kiss change my life!!! I don't even know how we got there, I cant even remember the lean in or the first touch of the lips, its like I just woke for the time and realized I was kissing the one guy I have always dreamt of kissing! After that one moment, it took about a whole month for it to finally sink in and to stop feeling like a dream.

I think that is all I really need to catch you up on, Sam and I have been plain sailing ever since then and are still falling in love everyday, and if you ask, I actually still can't believe what has happened in the last 10 months.

And from now on, I shall try and do my little weekly post on whatever I fancy, and I think it is about time, I got back into doing this sort of stuff!

Lots of love peeps x

A little photo of me and Sammy from January 2013